生活在一个“直”的世界里

回想起来,我会产生这样的印象一点也不奇怪。我周围的一切都在告诉我,在这个社会里,性交只有一种方式。电视剧、书本、其他家庭、朋友、还有我在学校里学到的东西……一切的一切都被默认设置成了“直”的。
Germany, Western Europe

Story by Luca Kraus. Translated by Lina Bell
Published on September 18, 2022.

This story is also available in GB de kr nl ru tr



Content Warning: This story contains mentions of homophobia that can be upsetting for some readers. 

在我12岁以前,我很难想象世界上会有和我一样的人,我是一名同性恋。我要声明一下,这句话绝无任何夸张矫情的意思。我当时无法相信,除了喜欢女人之外,还可以喜欢别的人,也不能相信同性恋是现实存在的事。尽管我也听过“基佬”的说法,但我那时也意识不到这个词指的是活生生的人,我只觉得它是一个骂人的话。

回想起来,我会产生这样的印象一点也不奇怪。我周围的一切都在告诉我,在这个社会里,性交只有一种方式。电视剧、书本、其他家庭、朋友、还有我在学校里学到的东西……一切的一切都被默认设置成了“直”的。

当然,后来我还是明白了做一个“基佬”意味着什么,但是到了青春期之后,我才进一步理解了同性恋面对的社会现实。说实话,看到加勒比海盗系列里的奥兰多·布鲁姆之后我早该对自己的取向再无怀疑。但是当心灵和一直被灌输的社会教条产生矛盾时,人的心中会先生产出一种奇怪的幻觉来催眠自己。到了高中的时候,社会对于同性恋的漠视被另一种来自同学的残酷的好奇感取代了。他们开始给我取外号:基佬、娘炮、男同,这种时候,我就不得不开始思考,我到底是谁?

那是我人生中最孤独、最艰难的一段时间。

我之所以讲自己从前的经历,是因为最近我一直在反思,我们的社会为什么会让青少年们经历这些?我承认我在一个小村子里长大(离法兰克福大概三小时车程),也许到了大城市,情况会有所不同。然而,在我们生活中,和LGTBQ+[1]群体有关的讨论或者以LGTBQ+群体为主的小说并不多见。我最震惊的是,在我们的教育系统中,LGTBQ+相关内容是完全缺位的,无论是幼儿园还是其他各个层级的学校,都不会教授相关的内容。

在德国,政界已经讨论了好几年是否要将LGTBQ+相关内容引入课本中。很多人担心太早接触到这类知识会对德国的孩子产生不好的影响。他们是被严重误导了。LGTBQ+青少年相较于他们的顺直性别同龄人来讲,通常要面临更多的不公平,他们可能会活在持续的自我怀疑中,也面临着更多令人痛苦的霸凌现象,而这一切仅仅是因为他们与众不同。“Coming Out Day e.V.”[2],的数据显示,同性恋青少年正面临着残酷的现实:他们的试图自杀率比异性恋青年高出四倍。

让我重申一下,毋庸置疑的是,教育是我们用于对抗恐同并创造一个真正包容的社会的最强大的武器和希望。有些孩子正在聆听、正在恐惧、他们不明白为什么不公平会发生在他们身上。我们有机会改变这一切,让他们知道仅仅做自己就足够完美。我所要求的一切不过是正常讨论LGTBQ+的事情,告诉孩子们,与众不同不代表不正常。


註解

[1] LGTBQIA+: 一个缩写,用来指代女同性恋者、男同性恋者、跨性别者、双性恋者、疑性恋者、双性者、支持LGTBQIA+的异性恋者、和无性恋者,以及没有被上述概念包含进去的所有性少数群体。

[2] 一个旨在促进人们认识到同性恋青少年正面临的各种问题的德国组织,Coming-out-day.de (2020), “Lesbische und schwule Jugendliche haben eine vier- bis siebenmal höhere Suizidrate”, 可访问网址: http://www.coming-out-day.de/informationen/fakten.html


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Luca Kraus

Luca Kraus

I’m Luca, in my Mid-20s, and for that reason obviously always thinking about “What if...I would just move to New Zealand or Bolivia and do..things”. I recently finished my studies in International Management and started a job at a startup in Berlin. When I’m not contemplating life, I love to hang out with friends, read a good book, complain about the weather (In Germany we like to think it to be either too cold or too warm), and search for words that only exist in one specific language (my favorite one of all time is the German “Weltschmerz”, followed by the Portuguese “saudade”). Thanks for giving me the opportunity to write about a topic that has been and will always be very important to me! 

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