I ricordi di una reginetta di bellezza

Avrei davvero gareggiato per essere riconosciuta come la più meritevole? La risposta è arrivata con un grande “NO”. 
Australia, Oceania

Story by Jemina Shrestha. Translated by Maria Grazia Calarco
Published on August 28, 2022.

This story is also available in GB ar cn de tr



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Avvertenza: Questa è una testimonianza personale. Non ha lo scopo di offendere nessuno né di giudicare le scelte di vita di qualcun altro. Piuttosto, è il resoconto di un periodo di apprendimento e “disapprendimento” visto dalla prospettiva di un essere umano.

Prologo: Ho partecipato a un concorso di bellezza che si è tenuto in Australia. La vincitrice avrebbe ottenuto l’accesso diretto a un altro concorso di bellezza che è molto prestigioso e assicura il diritto assoluto di “darsi delle arie”. Dopo mesi di preparazione fino a tarda notte, prove generali e crolli emotivi, siamo arrivati alla fine. E il caso ha voluto che fossi io a vincere. 

Epilogo: Ho rifiutato l’accesso diretto e ho scelto di non partecipare all’altro concorso.

Spiegazione: Dopo aver attraversato alcune esperienze traumatiche, alla fine del 2019 ho deciso che volevo dimostrare il mio valore in quanto essere umano. Un’opportunità ha bussato alla mia porta, sotto forma di un concorso di bellezza suggeritomi da una mia conoscenza. Ho inviato la mia candidatura online, ho indossato il mio abito migliore e mi sono presentata al provino, camminando sui tacchi. In generale, essere uno studente internazionale è difficile perché devi lavorare part-time per coprire le spese, in più adesso dovevo sostenere i costi per il viaggio e per comprare gli abiti e gli accessori. Per fortuna, avevo un lavoro che mi ha permesso di perseguire questa sfida e persone accanto che mi hanno sostenuto. Sono riuscita ad arrivare tra le prime cinque classificate. 

Competizione: Quando sono cominciate le prove, le mie imperfezioni umane hanno cominciato a venire in superficie. Inconsciamente, mi sentivo invincibile quando gli istruttori mi elogiavano e mi buttavo giù quando vedevo qualcun altro che si muoveva e sfilava con eleganza. Sapevo che i sentimenti che provavo erano meschini. Ma i media e la società mi avevano insegnato che ci sarebbe stata una sola vincitrice. Perciò, ho persistito; competere con il senso di colpa ha lasciato dentro me delle brutte cicatrici.

Vittoria: Ricordo il giorno della finale. Avevo la gola secca e stavo male per la stanchezza. Ma ho sorriso per tutto il tempo, perché è questo che fanno le reginette di bellezza, giusto? Dal momento in cui mi hanno incoronata al giorno successivo ai festeggiamenti, mi sono sentita come se stessi vivendo dentro un sogno lucido. Non mi sembrava per niente reale. Avevo dato per scontato che una volta che avessi ottenuto il titolo, mi sarei finalmente sentita importante. Mi ha reso felice vedere i volti raggianti della mia famiglia. Tuttavia, una parte di me continuava a sentirsi un impostore. 

Riflessione: L’Australia ha imposto le regole di distanziamento sociale sette giorni dopo la mia incoronazione, a causa della pandemia da covid-19. Ho perso il lavoro, perciò ho avuto tutto il tempo per riflettere sulla mia sindrome da impostore. Mi sono chiesta: Avrei davvero gareggiato con altri esseri umani per essere considerata “abbastanza”? Quello che stavo facendo era davvero parte di un viaggio di crescita personale e non solo un modo per accrescere il mio ego? Era questo ciò che desideravo davvero?

Rifiuto: Stavo osservando il mio riflesso allo specchio, quando la risposta è arrivata con un sonoro “NO”. Quel giorno ho deciso di stare dalla mia parte. Ho deciso che sono meritevole, sono abbastanza brava, sono bella e non ho bisogno di dimostrare il mio valore a nessuno. Il concorso di bellezza è stato un viaggio che mi ha permesso di fare i conti con i vari aspetti della mia personalità ma non è un modo per capire chi sono veramente. E per questo, sarò sempre grata a questa esperienza. 

Accettazione: Jen Sincero, autrice di TU SEI UN DURO ha scritto nel suo libro una frase semplice ma profonda: “Tu sei il solo te che esiste e che ci sarà mai”. Credo che già questo meriti di essere celebrato. Perciò, fatti coraggio e ama te stesso. Veramente. Follemente. Profondamente. 


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Jemina Shrestha

Jemina Shrestha

I am a human being who gets caught up in human doing a lot and I am working my way to find that balance between being and doing. I recently graduated with an undergraduate degree in Environmental Management and am looking forward to getting my Graduate degree. I absolutely love yoga, hiking, and taking myself out to explore the best cafes in the cities I visit. I work as a part -time barista and receptionist, and I thoroughly enjoy the experience of meeting people from all walks of life.

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