Megan Rothnie

变装秀如何帮助我在首尔找到身份认同和社群

和他们在一起,我不必担心自己过分张扬,可以尽情表现出我作为酷儿女性的一面。
South Korea, Eastern Asia

Story by Megan Rothnie. Translated by Lina Bell
Published on June 17, 2023.

This story is also available in GB nl



有时我会说,我开始做变装秀的原因是我不想粗鲁地拒绝别人。

2018年的时候,我搬到首尔做英语老师。那时我已经出柜多年了,在英国,酷儿社群一直是我生活中很重要的一部分。我挺喜欢首尔的生活,但是首尔的文化偏保守,LGBT+相关的话题不能公开讨论,这让我很难以接受。韩国对于LGBT+群体的保护法律很少,如果一个老师的同性恋身份被人发现,校方会用一个更加‘官方’的理由将其辞退。我在韩国认识的每一个酷儿都没有公开自己的取向,我也不敢这样做。

我第一次真正接触到变装秀是在首尔骄傲游行的时候。我随着队伍一起向前走,恐同示威者向我们吼叫。那天夜里,我和一位变装皇后喝了点酒,她告诉我她的Instagram账号,并且说如果我有兴趣参加变装秀,可以给她发私信。不过喝醉了的我很胆小,所以我从未给她发消息。

几个月后,在另一场游行中,我见到了变装皇帝Sapphire Reign。我们聊了几句,我说我对变装有一点兴趣。Sapphire立刻开始向我介绍她主理的变装工作室,还给了我一些宣传册。不过,她问我要不要参与一下的时候,我还是很恐慌。这时我必须将恐慌情绪暂时放在一边,过去21年的英式教育告诉我,拒绝别人是很不礼貌的!

我遇到的变装皇后都相当友好。我在这里很有归属感,我作为一个表演者也不会被人看轻。

第二天,我到了一个地下室酒吧,学了一下男人的走路方式。之后的一周,我又学了变装秀的化妆方法,穿搭技巧,设计了一套舞蹈动作,然后用KT贴【1】缠住胸部,让它没有那么明显。我觉得这样很自由。我在韩国交到了几个酷儿朋友,现在我有一群酷儿朋友了。和他们在一起,我不必担心自己过分张扬,可以尽情表现出我作为酷儿女性的一面。在工作坊结束后,我会定期参加每周的变装秀和月度的茶会,有时我上台表演,有时我只当观众。

在骄傲游行几个月之后的一次茶会上,当初叫我给她发私信的变装皇后认出了我,我当时醉醺醺地表示我想表演变装秀,可是再也没有联系过她。现在我已经作为变装皇帝进行表演,所以她原谅了我的临阵退缩。

变装文化给人的印象是,非跨性别的同性恋男性从业者在行业里占主导地位。RuPaul的变装大赛知名度极高,可以说是代表了相当一部分人群心中的变装秀形象,这个比赛不允许变装皇帝参与。尽管比赛中有少量的跨性别或非二元性别参赛者(16/166),RuPaul对他们的公开评价也是十分苛刻。不过我遇到的变装皇后都相当友好。我在这里很有归属感,我作为一个表演者也不会被人看轻。我也认识了一些出色的有色人种表演者,还有一些跨性别或非二元性别的艺术家,和他们一起工作相当愉快。

我在韩国的最后几个月遭遇了新冠疫情的爆发,各种活动都受限。我尽可能地参加变装秀,在离开前两周进行了我的最后一次表演。我真的希望走之前可以再看一次演出,但是那场我离开前夜的演出被取消了,我也没法好好地告别。

现在我回到了英格兰,回到了方圆几英里没有任何俱乐部或是变装秀的乡村地区。我仍然珍惜在韩国的回忆,和变装秀有关的,和变装秀无关的。我真该早点开始做这件事!


Footnotes 作者注

【1】KT贴,也叫弹性治疗胶带或肌内效贴布。这是一种弹性胶布,运动员常用这种脚步来绑住身体或者处理伤口。与布制绷带不同的是,它不会阻碍呼吸,所以使用起来更加安全。


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Megan Rothnie

Megan Rothnie

Megan Rothnie is a Queer British writer living back in England after a stint teaching English in South Korea. She has a bachelor's degree in psychology and holds faint hopes of at some point getting a masters in the same. She currently works as a support worker for disabled adults and spends her free time sewing and shouting about politics.
 

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