Is It Our Fault?
As a woman, it is inevitable that you will be harassed. It is difficult to know how to react in these moments. Embarrassment and humiliation can be more hurtful than anything else.
Netherlands, Western Europe
Content Warning: This story contains mentions of sexual harassment and assault that can be upsetting for some readers.
I don’t call myself a feminist. In fact, I am cautious towards all -isms. I believe that sexism goes both ways. It can be difficult to judge whether a remark should be taken as a compliment or as a sexist comment. As someone who seeks better understanding of and between people, I think we all need tolerance before we judge other people’s words, behaviour and gaze. Nevertheless, there are instances when people’s behaviour is simply intolerable—small unpleasant memories. I try not to think of them, because every time I do I wish I could bury my head in the sand. Why? Because they happened in public. People could see what was going on, but nobody did anything. I was a timid girl, not one to shout or stand up and walk away. When those people looked at me, it seemed like I was at fault as I did nothing to defend myself.
I will recount two incidents. Both happened when I was a student in the Netherlands. The first one took place at night. I was walking home with a female friend from a party wearing a short skirt. As we were walking on a quiet road, I noticed a shadow next to me. When I looked to my side, I saw a guy with a dark hoodie, who smelled strongly of weed. He had a malign expression. Before I knew it, he lifted my skirt and grabbed me. I was shocked and I froze. But my friend, who is much taller than me, was very cool-headed and shouted loudly. Luckily, the guy didn’t expect that and ran away. We hurried home and arrived safely. This incident only left me shocked for one night, because it ended well. Alone, I don’t think I would have had the courage to defend myself and I did not go further in imagining what might have happened.
The second incident is something I only recall with much reluctance. I was sitting on the tram going home from a day at the university campus. The train was packed. My seat faced the corridor. As I was sitting, a guy planted himself right in front of me. His height was such that if I looked up, I faced his crotch. Suddenly, he began making suspicious movements. At first, I couldn’t believe it. I tried to see from the corners of my eyes if my suspicions were correct. All I could see were the terrified looks of other passengers. I knew what he was doing. He was trying to masturbate in front of my face. I froze, again. The seconds that it took until the next stop felt like hours. I stood up, crouched like a criminal and slid out into the street. That was me then. This stupid timid girl!
When something like that happens to you, it is often difficult to know how to react. I sincerely wished the people around me had done something—like my friend did that night. Embarrassment and humiliation can be more hurtful than anything else and they stick in my memory. Silence and ignorance allow such incidents to continue to happen.
As a final word, I would like to thank my brave friend for helping me that night. I hope bystanders to sexual harassment can become more like my friend and will stand up and shout.
How does this story make you feel?
Do you have any questions after reading this story? Do you want to follow-up on what you've just read? Get in touch with our team to learn more! Send an email to [email protected].
Talk about this Story
Please enable cookies to view the comments powered by Disqus.
Subscribe to our Monthly Newsletter
Stay up to date with new stories on Correspondents of the World by subscribing to our monthly newsletter:
Period Problems (or Lack Thereof)
A story by Tara Rane Mandemaker
4 min English Audio available
A story by Pabita Timilshina
If I had one wish, it would be for girls to be free, free to choose what they want to become, not to be dominated by men. Women to have their own voice without being ashamed of what society might think. Our place is not just in the kitchen or to have babies, we have our own lives. I wished for everyone to have the same rights. Read more...
Untold Abortion Stories from Nigeria (2/4)
A story by H.T. Jagiri
Criminalizing abortion is a form of discrimination against women. Abortion is still illegal In Nigeria,but it hasn't stopped thousands of women from getting it. These women endanger their lives by seeking unsafe means to terminate pregnancy. In this series of stories, Hannah, writer, journalist and story ambassador for CotW talks to women who despite the dangers have decided to get an abortion. Read more...
Explore other Topics
At Correspondents of the World, we want to contribute to a better understanding of one another in a world that seems to get smaller by the day - but somehow neglects to bring people closer together as well. We think that one of the most frequent reasons for misunderstanding and unnecessarily heated debates is that we don't really understand how each of us is affected differently by global issues.
Our aim is to change that with every personal story we share.
Correspondents of the World is not just this website, but also a great community of people from all over the world. While face-to-face meetings are difficult at the moment, our Facebook Community Group is THE place to be to meet other people invested in Correspondents of the World. We are currently running a series of online-tea talks to get to know each other better.